Charting Progress

Today I have an accountability tip for you! Think about the fundamentals of your weight loss how you are going to achieve your weight loss goal, refer to the five golden rules I posted previously. Each of those items are steps in the process, steps that I had to turn into habits. This is one of the techniques I used to make working out a habit. This is how I keep myself accountable to the amount of exercise I do.
Also, this strategy is something I picked up from actor comedian Jerry Seinfeld. So, if you're done looking like an ugly baby, or want to slim down your man hands; get a calendar. A real one, made of paper for some tactile/visual cognition. Sorry Far Side, this cant be of the day by day variety, you'll need to view the whole month. Put it somewhere you will see it every day. I keep mine posted next to my desk at work where it serves the dual function of showing the date.
Every day I exercise I put a bright pink dot on the date. This way, at the end of the month, I should have this pretty bedazzled calendar that charts my progress. I look forward to dotting my calendar, and it is pretty noticeable when I've missed too many workouts. It is a subtle display of my achievements- until a co-worker stops by, and I point at it and say, "See all those pink dots? Those are all the days I've killed it at the gym!".

Make yourself aware of what you're doing, and reflect frequently on what you've done.

Friday's Weigh In

It has been too long since I've updated. I am super committed to this blog project, but the wireless Internet is out at my house. I have been to the library twice this week- both times it was closed. Today I was waiting on the maintenance man to appear and solve my problems, when my dear blogger friend James (http://survivalpunk.com/) told me I had to update, and I should just use my smart phone. At first I wanted to protest about how long it would take to type out without a proper keyboard, but frankly, I do an obscene amount of texting and a 300 word blog is merely a drop in the bucket.

For the record, I did write this post on Friday. You see, I believe when you are trying to lose weight you should weigh in once a week on the same week day and at the same time. I strategically chose Friday mornings because friday thru Sunday is when I am most susceptible to eating out and drinking alcohol. God forbid, I may even miss a workout (author's note- this particular weekend I did all of those wicked things, thankful I don't have a Monday morning weigh in).

So, I woke up this morning, drug myself out of bed, and used the restroom. I like to do a lot of pregaming before a weigh in. Definitely gonna use the restroom, probably gonna go ahead and shave, and may trim my nails. Listen, all I'm saying is every dead skin cell I can scrape off me at the last minute, I will. Weigh ins make me anxious and stressed. Not at all how anyone should feel ever, but the real truth of the matter is that it does. That is why you should never never weigh yourself everyday. It makes you crazy.

So after my little rituals, I get out the scale and gingerly tap it to turn on. I like to step on and say a prayer. I have to pray that I have lost weight. I also pray that if I didn't lose weight I will not go off the deep end. Finally, the screen lights up. I weighed in at 184.8.

Fuck.

In 11 days I had only lost 2.2 pounds.Why is this such a bummer for me? Because I was at 185 pounds the week before Christmas, so if your using crazy girl math, I'm really only down .2 pounds. Secondly, I try to lose 2 pounds a week. 11 days (in crazy girl math) is basically two weeks. So, I am 1.8 pounds fatter than I should be (logic is still crazy, but that was regular math). I am bummed because I worked out really aggressively: about an hour and a half all 11 days. I kept my food journal every day and drank water every day. Why am I not a bazilillion pounds lighter already?

I have to step off the scale and try to make myself be rational. I did start my monthly cycle a few days ago. I also got pharyngitis, so I was producing a lot of snot that was sitting in my belly. I don't know the mass of snot, but I know it weighs something because I could feel it sitting there. Finally, I had to get out my calculator. Lets see here. 11 over 2.2 and times that by 7...and eureka! I had averaged .2 pounds a day which is 1.4 pounds a week. That is like text book perfect weight loss. Wow, what a difference using actual math makes!

So, in fact, I have done totally great for my first whole week of the new year. I needed to be realistic. That is the tip of the day. I would have told anyone else to celebrate even a single ounce of weight loss. Don't be so critical of yourself. My new New Year's resolution is to appreciate my awesome body more. Be less terrified of the numbers. This was a good week, but there will be plateaus, and there will be bad weeks.

5 Golden Rules

     I have tried every strategy under the sun to lose weight. Most of the things I tried were really unhealthy, unsavory, and ineffective. I have a lot to say about all of my crash diets and extreme weight loss schemes, but today I am sharing what I consider to be the 5 core strategies that lead to long term health. This is the foundation of my healthy lifestyle.

     For the record, I am not a doctor. If you find a suggestion questionable, don't use it. This content is meant to be inspirational. I have no professional or educational credentials. All my information is based on life experience, lots of reading, and making shit up. Experiment with these tips at your own risk.

     After returning from my honeymoon in June of 2012 twenty pounds heavier and just as far as ever from my goal weight, I took a step back and analyzed my history of dieting. Twice before I had had semi-successful weight loss. When I was 17 I lost over 40 lbs and when I was 21 I lost 65 pounds. Luckily for me, I have been a tenacious journaler my whole life. I went into my archives and read all about what I was doing and eating, and how I was feeling (and who I dated, and crappy poetry, and ugly gossip, and so much teenage angst). Based on this empirical data, I came up with my plan.

1. Write it Down
     Write down everything you put in your mouth, all the daily activity you do, your weekly weigh in results, how you feel, who you're dating, crappy poetry, etc. It is quintessential (essential to the 5th power). All of the major diet programs have a food journal policy, I.E. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, L.A. Weight Loss. Bob and Jillian make The Biggest Loser contestants write down what they eat and track calories burned with a body bug. The great Tony Horton of P90X fame encourages his followers to record their number of reps done, weight used, and take frequent pictures of their half naked flexing bodies. It is all about staying accountable to yourself, being aware of your habits, and tracking your progress.

2. Drink Water
     Or Die. I aim to drink 3 Liters of water a day. I worked with a woman who lost 20 lbs just by cutting out soda and replacing it with water. She said she played video games for a few hours each day and would swig from a gallon of water while she loafed. Is that not the easiest sounding life change you've ever heard of? I like to drink water at work. A dear friend's mother once gave me a precious pearl of wisdom. She said there is nothing better than getting paid to use the restroom. So drink up while you are watching the clock, and then pee frequently on the company's dime.

3. Exercise
     Hate to break it to you, but you have to exercise. If you diet and don't work-out you can still lose weight, but you will still look fat. Exercising will make you look good, which is the most valuable part of losing weight. You don't have to go full ham right away. Do what you can. Do what you like. Do it with a buddy. I'll tell you what I do when I don't feel like working out. I put my tennis shoes on. That is really half the battle. Once your tennis shoes are on, your feet will figure you might as well go for a walk. It also helps to own lots of really cute work-out outfits. There are days that the only reason I shave is so I can wear a cute outfit to the gym. Plus there are so many things to be self conscious about when you are working out in front of people; your clothes shouldn't be one of them. I am getting off topic. The point is you need to move. My standard is an hour a day 5 days a week.

4. Cook 
     Eating out is the devil. The food you get at a restaurant is full of added sugar, sodium, and other garbage. When I eat at home, I eat whatever I want. If i can cook it or bake it, I can eat it. It is really important to note that you have to make it from scratch and still follow recommended serving sizes. Buying a Stouffer's Lasagna is the same thing as eating out, and eating a whole homemade lasagna is obviously not what I mean. Plus eating out is crazy expensive. This chick from choir had a mantra for this, "Save money, save calories". Look up recipes, get creative, use lots of spices, and eat what you want. I do try to observe a few other dining principles, but the core of my diet is that I eat at home.

5. Stay Motivated
     Don't give up. Positive thinking is just as much a part of this as diet and exercise. Why are you trying to lose weight? Think about that. I'm vain, so I did it to be really really ridiculously good looking. Reward yourself for each and every accomplishment. I normally treat myself to beauty treatments, clothes, or alcohol. Look at things that inspire you. Read weight-loss memoirs, watch fit t.v., make a thinspiration board on pinterest. Most importantly, when you have a set back, start over right away. You have the opportunity to change your behavior each second. Don't say I'll be good tomorrow, say I'm gonna wipe the oreo crumbs off my shirt and make the rest of this day good.

An introduction

     My name is Emily, and I used to be really fat. I was born fat. When 12 pound baby Emily pushed her way out of the womb, she dislocated mother's hip. I went on to be a chubby child, an overweight teen, and an obese young adult.
   
     When people ask how long it took me to lose the weight, I am uncomfortable assigning a strict time line because I have spent my whole life working at this. It is the same thing when I try to explain how I got so fat in the first place. I have a detailed self-analysis I'll get into later, but it is not an easy answer. My issue with weight was a compilation of genetics, poor food culture, depression, a sedentary lifestyle, and a laundry list of other factors.

     Onto this blogging business. Why am I going to post my success(es) on the internet? Firstly, I made a resolution to begin writing again this year. I read an essay in college that has stuck with me over the years. The author (whom's name did not stick) said, and I'm paraphrasing, you can't call yourself a writer if no one is reading your shit. So thank you. Just now, by you reading this, I became a writer. Just like when a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.

  This segues into my second reason, and explains the title. I am writing this for attention. I did something really hard. I lost loads of weight. Positive attention is a huge motivator. What is the point in looking so good if no one is noticing? I've got this big FAT ego, and it needs to be fueled. I like to be reminded frequently how inspiring I am, how sexy I look, and how cleverly I write.

     I am writing to inspire. I looked at loads of weight-loss blogs to stay motivated. Friends and family, and even strangers are asking how I did it. Now I have a place I can share my whole life-long weight loss journey. I'll tell you what diets I followed, what I do at the gym, and what I eat. I'll give reviews of products I've tried and books I've read, and I'll share many amusing anecdotes and weight-loss foibles.

     Finally, I am writing to stay motivated. I still have weight to lose. After that, I'll have a whole life-time of keeping it off. Statistically, over 50% of obese people, who get to a healthy weight, gain it back. I invented that statistic, but I reckon it is something like that.

    By now I hope you are hooked. You're nodding your head and thinking, I want to know this girl. I want to hear what she had done, and let her inspire me. I will always try to indulge your curiosity. Full-disclosure. Shameless pandering. Gratuitous self-promoting. Here are the facts you will need to paint the full-picture of the type of former fat girl you are dealing with. My highest weight was 265 pounds. I reached that number twice. Once when I was a sophomore in college and again when I was 40 weeks pregnant. I am 5'9, and I have a large frame (I am legit big boned). Even with that much weight on me, I could squeeze into a size 18. As of new years day 2013, I am at 187 lbs, and I am squeezing into a size 10. Being tall comes with some advantages.

     Below I have posted some really humiliating pictures of myself. I promise more to come. I have loads of really shit photos. Why couldn't I have been one of those fat girls who refused to let anyone take her picture?  I figure later, when you're reading about my awesome lifestyle and getting really jealous and feeling resentful rather than motivated, you can refer back to my fatty photos and take comfort. Likewise, you may be thinking, this girl ain't that skinny. These will be good for comparison. Look how far I've come!

This was at my 7th birthday. I'm next to my fit mom salivating at my cake.

Here I am at 15. 240 pounds. I hate it. HATE IT.

And here I am age 22 and about 33 weeks pregnant. Cute pregnant belly? I think not.










You should be feeling so good about yourself right now! Really inspired! I am. I am literally going to get off the computer and exercise off some of my feelings from looking at these old pictures. Next post will be "The Skinny on How I got Skinny".